Battered, bruised and broken.
That about sums it up. I could stop there and say no more, but what fun is that?
Now since I have all this experience in broken-ness, I want to share. I want to come from the darkness and shed some light. Speak some words of wisdom and enlightenment.
I’m not a professional counselor or life coach. I certainly am not perfect. I need to read the little bits of advise and profound quotes about life that I love so much, take them and apply them myself. Quite honestly, I often don’t. They sound so good and makes so much sense and in the moment I’m reading or saying them, I get it. I feel them and truly believe them. Living them is another story.
I want to walk the talk. I have intentions and times of motivation, brief times…but I do have them. Then the bullshit of day-to-day life sweeps them away and before I even know what hit me, I’m back to my bitter, hurting and hurtful self.
I do believe that my basic self, who I was and who I am now, are still the same person. My core beliefs and personality haven’t changed. But, I have evolved and will continue to do so. The good, the bad and oh…yes, the ugly, are all me. I have many sides. Is anyone really just one-dimensional?
What I’ve learned is what not to do and what I’m working on is to remind myself of those lessons and stop history from repeating itself. I’m learning to live from a more positive frame of mind. I know it’s not showing yet, but it’s happening.
I don’t think it’s at all hypocritical to share some good thoughts while I’m still struggling with feeling them. Even if I’m not in the most positive state of mind, I’m learning and practicing to speak good things. Mostly to myself.
A work in progress, aren’t we all?