This is today’s FB post, I reached 5000 likes today and got a little reflective.
“I started this page and my blog at the lowest point in my life. Outwardly, realistically I have gone through worse times, but last year everything that ever happened to me and everything I have ever screwed up flooded me all at once. It felt as though every bad thing was happening again and all at the same time. I’m expected (by myself & others), to be strong and carry on. Instead, I fell apart. I’m weak and tired and so very disappointed in myself. I have also disappointed many others.
I wanted to write and express myself. I needed to get the thoughts out of my head. I write what I think and feel. I post pictures and quotes that say something to my soul. I’ve shared some of my own poems.
This page went from my random thoughts to taking on a life of it’s own. I started posting some informational videos on Saturdays to share some insight, a daily music video and “Tell Me Something Good” posts to share some simple pleasures. Little things really do help. The positivity is not hypocritical, it’s my genuine effort to feel better and believe there is good, even if it’s just an upbeat song or a hot cup of tea.
I’m not anywhere close to perfect. I’m certainly not through the storm.
I expected some backlash from this page and I got it. My page is “too whiney, too negative, hypocritical, embarrassing, time consuming….” It has consumed a lot of my time, but it gave me time as well, it gave me the time and the desire to keep breathing. Something to take my focus away from all the pain I have felt and caused. I have said this before, a FB page may seem insignificant and trivial, but it has allowed me to begin to empty my troubled mind and been therapeutic in a way that I can’t even explain. In a way that no one person could help me, I have to fix myself.
What I didn’t expect was that anyone else would be interested, that anyone else would find comfort, solace or humor in the same things I do. For that I am thankful.
I’m humbled by each and every person who takes the time to look at my page or read my blog.
Happy to know I’m not alone.
Hopeful that I can look back at all that is here and see a progression from deep despair to triumph.