Good Times, Bad Times

I had an especially rough weekend, not feeling well, I missed work last night (well, I didn’t “miss” it, but I didn’t go).
I hate the control my mind has over me.
Debilitating sadness comes from the slightest things sometimes. An argument with a family member, a disappointment. Even a positive change toward a better life can cause overwhelming stress.
It creates actual physical symptoms and even though I know this, it still scares me sometimes.
Last night it was chest pain. It’s a feeling I’m very familiar with, but each time; especially now that I’m older, I wonder if it’s just anxiety sending that crushing pain through my body or a medical emergency.
I’m fine, physically all better.
There is a heaviness in my head afterwards, however.
A feeling of guilt and irresponsibility.
I’m a reasonably intelligent, college educated woman, I tell myself. I’m tough, I’m strong and I’ve been through much worse, I say. But those words mean nothing, they don’t make me all better.
Today, I need to dust myself off and be a grown up again.
That means, not only functioning as one, but being respectful of myself. I need to give myself the understanding and compassion that I so easily give to others.


2 comments on “Good Times, Bad Times

  1. How is it that we can show compassion and understand where so many other women are in their struggles with the MANY things we women struggle with- but when it comes down to OURSELVES we are ruthless and borderline abusive in our judgements? YOU are good enougj. So am I for that matter. But maybe, just maybe, I’ll need you to remind ME tomorrow. ♡ beautifully written btw.


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